Monthly Archives: February 2010

Testes Theology

A time/space bounce between Shawn Misener and Quasimofo

They erected PVC crosses
marking an apocalyptic energy pattern
from Lansing to Stephenville

They sucked energy drinks through their ears
while Jesus stood at the end of a diving board
made solely of indifferent souls and tungsten

looking down he remarked to his sidekick
about switching the robes out
for a purple body suit made of nylon and sequins

“dude, just do the dive already”
sidekick whined, picking his cosmic nose
“they’ve been waiting a hell of a long time”

Take all the short straws
you got out of life and
put it together for magic hay
in your imaginary petting zoo.

Jet skiing on the Sea of Galilee
takes a little faith since
the Hamas cub scouts take
pot shots with sling shots.

I’ve got an indian friend
i pay to cook for me–
he’s my Sioux Chef–
he scalped Chef Boyardee.

Coming to kung-fu grips
with this coming of age
realizing the pros and cons
is for professionals and convicts.

The Palestinian mired in Wal-Mart
browsed the deli meat
scratching his eight o’ clock shadow

A single shimmering sequin weaved
from the flourscents
and lands in his unwashed hair

A voice in his ear
(the sidekick)
The Son of God is in your womb!”

“But no womb have I” he whimpered aloud
frightening the 300 pound woman
twirling in her Hoveround just behind him

Jesus wriggled between two swollen testes
and smelt scrotum swishing sweetly
as they pounded his undeveloped ears

“just go with it, Lord”
transmitted the sidekick, quietly alarmed

They say to get your just desserts
you have to walk upright in the eyes
of the Lord but i haven’t learned
how to eat pussy standing up yet.

Once i made a deal with God–
I said “God give me a million
dollars to make up for all
the wrongs i’ve been dealt!?!”

But it was like preachin’ to the choir
who sings “Welcome to the jungle
babey, you gonna die!”
…stupid Baptists
(Presbyterians who can’t read)!

Oh my heart cries jugs of sparkling
H2 aqua–the kind if you turn it
upside down it makes pretty
refreshment liquid for office
workers who pluck the little
white cones from the bottom–
the kind if you turn it upside down
it makes a dunce cap.

Here’s what it amounts to:
Only Florists can rest on their laurels;
Only Bakers can have their cake and eat it too;
Only Beauticians can give lip-service; and
Only Bureaucrats who moonlight as Butchers
can hack their way thru red tape.

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