Monthly Archives: October 2009

Hills No More

b

The Body of Christ melts in your mouth
not in your hand.

Jesus would be better served as milk chocolate
laced with expensive shiraz
and dusted with dehydrated lake trout

They sell cheap centimeters of his tunic on Ebay
and people twitter about him sixteen times a minute:

Jesus is with me
Jesus is with them
Jesus is my co-pilot
Jesus is my co-signer

And so on

If Jesus were to die tonight
Fox News would be on it
raising questions about his alleged affair with Mary Magdalene

Mormons would start digging holes into hills
until there were hills no more
just odd Seussian organic monoliths
allegedly in the shape of the late Jesus Christ

Then they would retire to the dairy store for ice cream
conversing like big geese about the infinite potential of Resurrection

Whooshay poses as one of them
replete with white shirt and crisply ironed tie
licking blue moon out of a waffle cone
saying:

If he doesn’t come back in this dimension
surely he will return in one of the others

Elder Johnson writes it all down
wonders what his chances of being an apostle are
and wiggles closer and closer to Whooshay

We need more ice cream
he confides
a halo of industrial smoke rising behind his head
from the chocolate factory the next town over

A moment of enlightenment falls upon all 227 of them
and for once they forget about Jesus
and obsess about delicious ice cream flavors instead

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