Insides Out

You know
sometimes you live out your nightmares
and the whole thing seems unreal
because it is very, very real
like the time I had a hole in my head
just below and behind my left ear
and with supernatural ability I peered into the hole
at my juicy, fizzling brain
and with a detached finger I massaged the tunnel of bone
that dipped for a foot until it reached that gelatinous thing
and I was so, so fascinated
and so terribly disgusted
and so damned mystified
by the hole

You know
they really can put holes into you
and I’m shirtless looking down at my abdomen
at a little red flower
glistening under the florescent bulbs in my bathroom
and I’m suddenly remembering the dreams
about the bewildering holes
as if I had them last night
and the worst part of me wonders what it would feel like
to gently insert my finger into the stoma
and feel around a bit
but I just don’t seem to have the will
or sense of in-dream security
to do it

For this is very, very real.

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2 Comments

Filed under poetry

2 responses to “Insides Out

  1. Scott Snyder

    Bad unbelievable things happen to other people, not us…is i think what we feel most times and then when it does happen that’s the ‘unreal’/’real’ feeling. I can’t believe you were dead twice. Shesus! funny/wierd how dreams work their way in from our thoughts/fears too. I saw some flick where this guy lived thru this harrowing experience and after that he was like fearless–which was name of it–just a movie though…he must have been a millionaire cause there’s nothing like coming up short on bills to put the fear of God back into you (or survival worries). But what can you do? Do what you can and the rest will have to be: “What will be will be.”

  2. A hole in the head… a hole in the stomach… that sounds pretty damn rough. Fortunately it didn’t leave a hole in your heart, which you have a lot of. Keep recovering. Keep surviving.

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